23rd Sunday of Ordinary Time
Correcting Others
Six or seven years ago, I read an article that I still remember.
A man named Jerome Weidman writes that he was in the third grade, in a public school in New York City. His math teacher was Mrs. O’Neill.
One day Mrs. O’Neill was grading test papers, and she noticed that twelve boys had given the same answer to a question, the same unusual and wrong answer. She correctly assumed that the boys had cheated.
The next day, Mrs. O’Neill asked the twelve boys to stay after school for a minute. Without accusing them of anything, she simply wrote on the blackboard a quotation from an English author.
“The measure of real character is what individuals would do if they knew they would never be found out.” Isn’t that a great statement?
“The measure of real character is what individuals would do if they knew they would never be found out.” Jerome Weidman says that this was an important lesson in his life.
Jesus and Correcting
That teacher, Mrs. O’Neill, respectfully confronted those boys with their wrongdoing and what she did illustrates the message of today’s gospel.
The passage tells us what to do if we see someone doing something that is morally wrong or something that is personally hurtful. In the gospel, Jesus gives a three-step process.
Step 1: One-on-One
First, Jesus says that we are to talk about the problem one-on-one.
Notice that he says that we are to talk with the person. Now, to be real about it, we may first talk about the person to somebody else, but our motive needs to be to prepare to talk directly with the person and to be able to speak in a constructive way.
So, maybe you need to talk with your spouse about the sharing of household responsibilities. Or maybe you need to talk with a family member who looks like he is into some kind of substance abuse.
When we do this, we need to be respectful and not put down or beat up others. Our motive needs to be a positive change of behavior or some reconciliation in the relationship.
Step 2: Third-Party Assistance
Okay, Jesus then says that if the other person is closed to looking at the issue, we should ask for the assistance of someone else.
This could mean both parents together talking with a son or daughter about their hanging out with the wrong crowd. Or it could mean a husband and wife going to a marriage counselor.
There are times in life when some kind of third-party assistance is required. There is a humorous Arab proverb about this that makes a good point.
It says: “If one person calls you a donkey or a you-know-what, you may pay no attention to that person. But if five people call you one, go out and buy yourself…a saddle” – I think that says it pretty well.
Step 3: Keep Reaching Out
Finally, for the third step, Jesus says that if someone will not listen even to several people, then treat that person like a tax collector or non-believer.
In the past, we as a Church interpreted this as meaning: have nothing to do with them or excommunicate them. Today, many Scripture scholars give us a different insight.
They point out that Jesus continues to associate with tax collectors and non-believers. He never gives up on them.
So here, instead of talking about excommunication, Jesus is really talking about communication – and continued communication. He is talking about excluding sin, but not excluding the sinner – the person.
So, maybe someone persists in sinful or harmful behavior or maybe they believe differently on some point of faith. Yes, we have to be true to ourselves about what we believe is right.
And, in some instances, we may have to protect ourselves – as in situations of domestic violence or sexual abuse. But usually, Jesus is calling us to keep relating and keep communicating.
I see this as the spirit and direction that Pope Francis is trying to instill in our Church and in us.
