27th Sunday of Ordinary Time – B
October 6, 2024
Our Lady of Grace Parish, Parkton 5pm
Marriage
It’s safe to say that we all want a marriage – your marriage, someone else’s marriage – we all want a marriage to work. We want it to be happy and to last – for a lifetime, forever.
It’s also safe to say that we all know – including me – we all know of a marriage that has not worked. It was not happy and did not last and it ended in divorce.
That’s the truth. It is a reality of life.
In the face of this, I find Jesus’ words in today’s gospel very black and white, maybe blunt, and probably difficult for those who have divorced and remarried. So, I want to reflect carefully on Jesus’ teaching here.
Faithful Love
Jesus’ underlying point is two words: faithful love.
His teaching is grounded in who God is and God’s faithful love. We believe that God is a Trinity, three persons, a mystery.
And we believe that God is love. That’s what Saint John tells us.
And so, we believe that God is faithful love – complete and unending love of each of the three persons for the others. And we believe that we are made in God’s image and likeness and are to become persons of faithful love.
In a way, it’s that simple and that challenging. That’s the grounding for what Jesus is teaching about marriage in this passage – faithful love.
What This Demands
What does this demand of two people?
It demands that they make some choices, some specific choices about a number of things in a marriage.
For example, faithful love demands that husband and wife choose to take the first step in showing affection, and in remembering the good or endearing traits of the other.
It demands that marriage partners choose to be happy about the accomplishments of the other, and that they are there for the other in times of disappointment.
It demands that a couple choose to share both successes and failures, and that they are vulnerable to one another.
Faithful love demands that husband and wife choose to apologize and ask for forgiveness, and that they are forgiving and try to move on together.
It demands that marriage partners choose to be patient with the idiosyncrasies of one another, and that they remain aware that I also have my own stuff that can get on the nerves of the other.
And very important, it demands that a couple choose to keep the big picture of life in mind, and that they let bumps in the road that will be meaningless in a year just be bumps in the road.
These are some, I’m sure not all, but some of the specifics of what faithful love is about. I believe this is what Jesus has in mind with his teaching today.
But Sometimes
But, even with this teaching, and even with good intentions from two good persons, it doesn’t always work out.
Sometimes the marriage breaks down and ends. There is divorce and often a remarriage.
For the past five hundred years or so, our Church has had a process of looking at a marriage that has ended. It is a discernment about whether something was missing or preventing a person or a couple from really making the commitment to a full and lasting relationship.
For the last fifty years or so, the Church has grown in its understanding of all that is needed for this commitment. When something seems lacking, the Church grants what is called an annulment.
This means that the person or couple is freed from that bond of marriage. I know that some of us find that word “annulment” difficult.
It seems to say that there never was a marriage. Maybe it would be better if we would just call it a declaration of freedom.
That strikes me as a more accurate term. Whatever, if you or someone you know is struggling with this, I suggest you talk about it.
Identify a priest whom you think would be a good listener and can take in your story. And then, with him, discern what is a good spiritual path for you.
Conclusion
They are the thoughts that Jesus’ teaching today has stirred in me. I hope they are helpful.
