23rd Sunday of Ordinary Time
Cycle
B
September
6, 2015 12 Noon and 5:00pm
Saint Margaret Parish,
Bel Air
Hearing and Speaking
My
understanding is that if we are born deaf, we have a great deal of trouble with
speech.
The
second impairment follows the first. If
we are unable to hear, then we cannot form and speak words very well.
This
apparently is the situation of the man in today’s gospel. He is described as “a deaf man who had a speech impediment.”
And
notice that in healing him, Jesus first opens his ears. The man needs to hear first before he can be
freed of his speech impairment and speak.
The Lesson: Listening before Speaking
Now,
besides the physiological truth and Jesus’ miracle, there is also a spiritual
lesson here.
If you
and I are going to speak appropriately, we first need to listen. If we are going to respond in a respectful
and thoughtful way, we must first listen to others.
Listening
to one another is very important. It
might also be a neglected virtue today.
This
afternoon, I want to propose three rules on listening. I think that these will help us to listen
well and then to speak well – the same sequence we see in Jesus’ healing of the
“deaf man who had a speech impediment.”
Rule 1: Listen to What and How
The
first and most important rule: Listen to what others are saying and to how
they are feeling.
So,
really absorb the what. It might
be what your son or daughter experienced in school, or what happened at work
for your wife or husband, or what is going on with your elderly parents.
Make
sure that you take in the what.
And as you do this, listen also to how the other person is
feeling about the what.
Tune
into the sense of accomplishment of a friend, the loneliness of a neighbor, or the
rejection that a teenager is feeling.
Listening to the feelings is as important as listening to the facts that
others are communicating.
And, to
listen well, sometimes ask a question.
Like: What did the teacher say to the other kids?
Or: How
are you feeling about all of this? Questions
like these can enhance the listening.
They
help us to take in fully the what and the how that others are
communicating. And they also help others
to know for sure that they are really being listened to and valued.
Rule 2: Don’t Be Thinking of Your Response
The
other two rules are really supportive of the first.
So,
Rule 2: When others are speaking, don’t get distracted in what you want to
say. Don’t be gearing up to plunge in at
the split second that others take a breath or pause.
This
isn’t easy, because we almost automatically think about how we want to
respond. But the important thing is to
be aware of this human tendency.
Be
aware and catch yourself if you are doing this.
Re-focus on what others are saying because there will eventually be time
for you to speak and respond.
Rule 3: Don’t Interrupt
And Rule
3: Do not interrupt when others are speaking.
This is
a real issue and, again, we need to be aware of it. Interrupting others when they are speaking
gets modeled a lot on some of our TV news channels.
I see
it as a form of violence – verbal violence.
It disrespects others as persons and not just what they are saying.
This is
something that we really have to be aware of and get a grip on. So, be aware of yourself, slow it down, and
listen, because interrupting others hurts communication and harms relationships.
Conclusion
So, le’s go back
to the gospel.
Listening or
hearing precedes speaking. We are only
going to speak well if we first listen well.
This kind of
listening has important effects on marriages, friendships, parent/child
relationships, employer/employee relationships, and on it goes. We really need to be attentive to this.
