24th Sunday in Ordinary Time
Cycle A
September 13, 2020
Our Lady of Grace Parish, Parkton 11:00am
Forgive
This morning, the message is about forgiveness.
I suppose that’s pretty obvious after listening to the gospel. Jesus says that we are to forgive “seventy-seven times.”
In the Hebrew culture, the number seven was symbolic of perfection or fullness. So, when Jesus says to forgive seventy-seven times, he’s saying that our forgiveness is to be infinite and is to reflect God’s unconditional love of us.
This morning, I want to look at three things that forgiving is not. And then I want to look at three steps that are involved in the process – and yes, forgiving is a process – three steps that are involved in the process of forgiving.
Forgiving Is Not…
First, forgiving does not mean that we deny our feelings or pretend that we weren’t offended.
In fact, part of healthy forgiving demands that we own or admit our feelings. We do this so that we can eventually work through the hurt.
Second, forgiving does not mean forgetting or trying to pretend that something never happened.
It’s almost impossible to forget what has happened, even if we want to. We cannot expect ourselves or others to do this.
And third, forgiving is not losing as if we are in a win/lose game.
Instead, forgiving can be a win/win action. The one forgiving and the one forgiven can both come out ahead.
So, forgiving does not mean 1) denying our feelings, 2) forgetting, or 3) losing.
Forgiving Is
Now let’s look at three steps or actions that are involved in forgiving.
1. Review
First, we need to review what happened.
Review in your mind what the other person did. Try to remember it in detail.
And as you do this, get in touch with your feelings. How did you feel as it happened and right after it happened, and how do you feel about it or about him or her right now?
And, as part of this review, we also need to look at ourselves. As the old saying goes, “It often takes two to tango.”
Is there some way, maybe something minor or subtle, but some way that I contributed to the problem? Could it have been how I said something or when or where I did something?
2. Humanize
So, 1) review what happened, and then, 2) humanize the offender.
Try to separate the hurtful word or action from the person who did it. And then, try to walk in that person’s shoes for a bit.
What might she have been experiencing within herself? What kind of day or week might she have had?
Or, what kind of home life did he have when he was a child? What woundedness might he be carrying around inside.
This can be a very challenging part of the process that we may not want to do, but still, try to humanize the offender. Try to step back from the hurt for a moment and allow some empathy to enter the process.
3. Choose
And then the third step or action is to choose to forgive.
We may feel resentful, angry or vengeful. But even with that, we can still choose to let go of it – and yes, forgiving is a choice.
Not to let go hurts us as much or even more than the other person. The Buddhists have a saying about this.
They say that holding on to resentment is like picking up a hot coal in our hand with the intention of throwing it at the person who offended us. I think that this image makes it clear that choosing to let go is as important for us as it is for the other person.
And then, eventually, when you are ready and when it is possible, try to talk with the other person. This is not always possible, but when it is, it gives life to the forgiveness and makes it very real.
Conclusion
So, at some point in our lives, each of us will have to deal with a situation where we were hurt.
It can happen with anyone – a parent, a spouse, a son or daughter, a sibling, a friend, a neighbor, an employer, a priest, and on it goes. I hope that these three steps or actions – 1) Review, 2) Humanize, and 3) Choose – I hope that they will help us respond to Jesus’ call to be forgiving.
